LIFE AT HOME

All of us, when we were young, had a home that was very different from the home we know today. Likely, we remember good times with our family. It is also likely that each of our families were made up of different types of people. I don’t remember living with my dad. I have some early memories of my dad but my mother and father were divorced when I was three years old. Barbara’s parents also separated when Barbara was young. Many of you lived with both of your parents and remember many happy times. A family is defined by God as one that includes both parents and their children. That is the type of family that Barbara and I created with God at the center. We wanted to have the normal family that neither of us had experienced growing up. Today, there is a lot of talk about how the family is to be defined. There are many attempts to create a new definition of the family and the roles within. Not long ago the Supreme Court of the US “redefined” marriage and the family unit. So, this court redefined what God created. God’s plan was to have the family made up of a man and a woman (Adam and Eve), with children who honored their parents. When these God-given roles are carried out, we experience life as a family aa tats best. A family centered in Christ is a strong family.

Read Ephesians 5:22-24

In verse 21 (not read), the King James Version takes this verse as the last phrase of the preceding discussion about spiritual conduct. This is because “be subject” (submitting in the KJV) is a participle, not an independent verb. The Revised Standard Version and many modern commentators see this as one of several cases where a participle is independent and serves an imperative verb. This is also supported by the fact that there is no verb in the Greek after “wives” in verse 22, so “be subject” must be understood as the verb there. All of this means two things: first, that many times the KJV uses language translations that can be hard to understand, and second, “wives” are to “be subject” -not “submitting” without a choice.

This is a general word to all Christians to “be subject” to one another, but as God has given all a choice, we must do this as a choice from the heart. We are to do this “out of reverence for Christ”. “Reverence” here is literally “fear”. This term is not usually used with reference to Christ, but it is frequently used of one’s attitude to God, an attitude of respect and reverence. It is also appropriate to one’s relationship with the Son of God.

This emphasis is a part of Paul’s overall interest in the unity and harmony of the body of Christ. Each member of the body is to function in cooperation with others under Christ, who is the head (4:15-16). Such cooperation will often mean submission, putting one’s own security, happiness, and well-being in second place to the security, happiness, and well-being of others. This is the example set by Jesus, who took the role of servant and washed His disciples’ feet (Mark 10:43-45; John 13:3-16). In the discussion that followed Paul showed how this principle applied to wives, husbands, children, parents, slaves, and masters. In each case, it should be remembered that submission is not one-way and that all Christians are to “be subject” to each other and to Christ. The New Testament makes is clear that faith has a lot to do with every area of life.

Since as indicated before, there is no verb expressed in verse 22, it literally reads, “Wives, to your husbands, as to the Lord”. The verb “be subject”, supplied in verse 21, makes it clear that the submission described is a part of the mutual submission that belongs to all Christians, and not the slavish obedience that ancient society prescribed for a wife. This submission is also a voluntary action of the wife, not something imposed upon her by her husband. The following verse (vv. 25-35) clearly show that the wife is not being asked to subject herself more than the husband is asked to subject himself. In fact, much more is said about the duties of the husband than of the wife in this chapter. This passage is the center of much controversy today because many fail to understand Paul’s intent.

This controversy cannot and should not attempt to resolve this larger issue. However, several observations can be made at this point. These words were written in a time when all the authority in the society belonged to men, and women had very few rights, Christ brought a new freedom and dignity to women, and Paul recognized that women and men are spiritual equals in Christ (Gal. 3:28). This passage does not approve the ancient customs regarding marriage and women any more than verse 6:5 approves the customs of slavery. Husbands and wives today must apply these teachings in Christian freedom with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, not in legalism and literalism.

The wives’ submission to her husband is to be “as to the Lord”. This is another sign that it is not the same as the obedience of wives to husbands in ancient pagan culture. All through this passage, Paul was thinking of the parallels between family and the church. The husband’s headship in the marriage is not that of a patriarch or authoritarian master. It is the headship of Christ over the church- loving, self-giving, caring, and gentle. The wife’s subjection- and the term subjection is hardly adequate to describe it- is like that of the church to Christ. It is trusting and confident that there is no harm to be feared in such a relationship.

Although some people have distorted Paul’s teaching on submission by giving unlimited authority to husbands, we cannot get around it. One way to disarm the antagonism that the external culture may inject into the marriage relationship is to remember that the wife gets to submit and the husband gets to die. According to the Bible, the man is the spiritual head of the family, and the wife should acknowledge his leadership. But real spiritual leadership involves loving service (a form of dying). Just as Christ served the disciples, even to the point of washing their feet, so the husband is to serve his wife. A wise and Christ-honoring husband will not take advantage of his leadership role, and a wise Christ-honoring wife will not try to undermine her husband’ leadership (if he takes on that role).

Read Ephesians 5:25-28

Think about how these 4 verses and even the previous 3 verses define husbands and wives contrasted to those we see in the movies and on TV. If Paul had in mind an authoritarian pattern of marriage, we might expect him at this point to urge husband to exercise restraint in exerting their authority. But there is no mention of the husband’s authority here. In chapter 6 parents and masters are urged not to provide to anger or to threaten. But in chapter 5 the only counsel for husbands is to love. The Greek language has several words for love, and Paul could have used the word that means human, sensual love, from which we get our word erotic. Instead, he used the great Christian word that describes the kind of love God shows.

To illustrate this love, he immediately turned to the greatest known example, the self-giving of Christ for His people. The parallel between the marriage of husband and wife on the one hand and the relation of Christ and the church on the other was uppermost in Paul’s mind. It dominates the whole passage. The Old Testament often spoke of Israel as being married to God, and in Revelation the church is described as the bride of Christ. Here Paul emphasized the fact that Christ gave Himself so the church would be holy, His own pure possession. He was both stating a truth about the church and setting forth an ideal for marriage. Christ is said to “sanctify the church having cleansed her by the wedding of water with the word”.

Several interpretations have been suggested for this phrase. Some think this is a reference to the bride’s careful preparation for the wedding, including bathing. Some think the reference is to baptism, by which God’s people are set apart and made members of the church. Others feel that the reference to water is simply a way of speaking of cleansing. It is significant that “the word” and not the water itself is the agent of cleansing here. So. God’s “word” is the real key.

Some Christians actually thought that Paul was negative about marriage because of the counsel He gave in 1 Corinthians 7:32-38, These verse in Ephesians, however, show a high view of marriage. Here marriage is not a practical necessity or a cure for lust, but a picture of relationship between Christ and His church. Paul’s counsel to the Ephesians is more the biblical ideal for marriage. Marriage, for Paul, is a holy union, a living symbol, a precious relationship that needs tender, self-sacrificing care.

Paul devotes twice as many words to telling husbands to love their wives as to telling the wives to submit to their husbands. How should a man love his wife? 1) He should be willing to sacrifice everything for her; 2) make her well-being of primary importance; and 3) care for her as he cares for his own being. No wife needs to fear submitting to a man who treats her in this way.

Christ’s death makes the church holy and clean. He cleanses us from the old ways of sin and sets us apart for his special sacred service (Hebrew 10:29; 13:12). Christ cleaned the church by the washing of baptism. Through baptism, we are prepared for entrance into the church just as ancient Near Eastern brides were prepared for marriage by ceremonial bath. It is God’s Word that cleanses us (John 17:17; Titus 3:5).

Read Ephesians 6:1-3

The counsel given to children was that they should obey their parents. There are two possible interpretations of the phrase “in the Lord”. Some think that it means “as long as their requirements agree with the will of God”. Thus, it would have a special relevance to the Gentile world, where a child might have a parent who was not a believer. Others feel the phrase simply means “as a Christian should”. The added phrase, “for this is right” could also have several meanings. It may mean that the obedience of children is recognized as right by all people. Or it may reflect the fact that a child cannot always understand the reasons for a parent’s instructions and must obey because it is the right thing to do.

Paul cited the fifth commandment at this point. It contains the broader word “honor. This means obedience in the case of younger children and respect and care in the case of older children. Paul called this the first commandment with promise, even though the second commandment indicates that God will show His love to those who keep His promises. This addition to the second commandment was not so much a promise as a statement about God made in connection with the description of God. The fifth commandment has a more specific promise. Those who honor their parents will live long upon the earth. The original wording said, “in the land which the Lord your God gives you” (Ex. 20:12). The more general statement was used by Paul because it is more appropriate to Christians in that form. The promise means that a society that honors its elders will be healthier, more stable society than the one that does otherwise.

There is a word for parents here, too. The word “fathers” is probably used in the general sense to include both parents. They are not to provoke their children to anger. Since they have authority over the child, it would be easy to be harsh. But parents are to recognize that children have rights and feelings. Parental authority must be exercised with due regard for the child. They are to bring their children up in “discipline”, a word which means positive instruction as well as correcting or chastening. “Instruction” is also needed. This is a more specific word for admonition or correction. The discipline and instruction of the Lord is what God can do in the children’s life through faithful Christians parents.

There is a difference between obeying and honoring. To obey means to do as one is told, to honor means to respect and love. Children are not commanded to disobey God in obeying their parents. Adult children are not asked to be subservient to domineering parents. Children are to obey while under their parents’ care, but the responsibility to honor parents is for life.

If our faith in Christ is real, it will usually prove itself in our relationships at home with those who know us best. Children and parents have a responsibility to each other. Children should honor their parents even if the parents are demanding and unfair. Parents should care gently for their children, even if the children are disobedient and unpleasant, ideally, of course. Christian parents and Christian children will relate to each other with thoughtfulness and love. This will happen if both parents and children put the others’ interests above their own- that is, if they submit to one another. All of Paul’s instructions define more fully the roles that God intents for family members and describes the foundation for that

Christian life at home.